Formal letter Self introduction
Dear Prof Brad and fellow classmates,
I am Eldric, a first-year undergraduate studying in Singapore Institute of Technology, majoring in mechanical engineering. I am a driven and bright individual. I have always been willing and prepared to learn about new things to improve myself for the future. Previously, I earned a diploma in aerospace technology with minor in business management from Ngee Ann Polytechnic in 2020. Since young, I have always been fascinated with planes. From looking at planes taking off from the runway to having an internship in Singapore International airlines engineering company, I have picked up a substantial amount of knowledge in the aviation industry. Enrolling into mechanical engineering means that I would want to be exposed to different engineering sectors as well as to broaden my horizon into the engineering world.
One of my communication strengths would be being a good listener and having empathy for others. During my time in national service, I was a section commander and a specialist cadet trainer in the 35th Singapore Combat Engineers battalion. I had conversations with my team or in one on one settings when I would not only have to understand but also have to read the emotions of them when they are facing problems.
Regardless of having good communication strength, I do have communication weaknesses as well. One of my communication weaknesses would be not speaking straight to the point. Sometimes during conversations, I tend to consider my choice of words and hence hesitate, which results in having weakness in my conversation.
One point that differentiates me from the rest of my peers is that I am not only a student but an athlete as well. I am currently in the SIT basketball team and I hope to be able to represent SIT in the upcoming university games ahead. Honing better interpersonal skills as well as meeting new friends here is what I would like to achieve throughout this 12 weeks module and I am looking forward to the upcoming classes ahead!
Best regards,
Eldric
Hi Eldric, some comments: I think the content satisfies the guidelines in the instructional unit pdf. The text is quite hard to read as the font is grey on white background. Organisation of content is good, and there is a flow to the letter. Also dont forget to include Dear xxx and sign off! Language wise is great and a suggestion would be to explore the use of more varieties of vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteHi Jayden,
DeleteThanks for reading and giving feedback on my blog.
Hello Elderic. Everything looks in order except for the second last paragraph. I feel that the structure for the second sentence can be improved. Maybe you can say something like "One of my communication weaknesses would be getting straight to the point while speaking"
ReplyDeleteHello Shameer,
DeleteThank you for your inputs towards my blog post!
Dear Eldric,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this concise letter and the personal sharing. I appreciate the content focus and elaboration. You've done a good job addressing the brief and providing supporting information that allows us readers to gain a clearer understanding of who you are. I'm especially impressed by your NS experience and the learning involved in that. Since I'm a former basketball player and coach I'm also impressed by your hobby and would like to know more about the SIT team.
In terms of language use, this is a good effort generally, but I feel that there is some room in this post for minor revision:
1. Overuse of caps
-- Previously, I earned a diploma in Aerospace technology with minor in Business management from Ngee Ann Polytechnic in 2020. > ?
-- During my time in National service, ... > ?
-- University games ahead > ?
2. Phrasing/Parallel Structure
-- ...I had conversations with my team or one on one settings where I would not only understand but to share in the emotions of them when they are facing problems. >
...I had conversations with my team or in one on one settings when I would not only have to understand but also have to read the emotions of my charges when they were facing problems.
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Hello Prof,
DeleteThank you for the feedback. I really appreciate your help in the inputs u gave.
Thanks for responding, Eldric. I do hope you have a chance to revise at some point.
Delete